Healthy Boundaries Based on Self-Love
Self-love is a state in which people find themselves when they are able to do just that; they can love themselves. This is not always an easy task to achieve, and in fact many, many people struggle with learning to love themselves every day.
Those who feel self-love are happy with who they are and the decisions they make. They acknowledge their faults and carry on, learning from the mistakes they make in life. They accept who they are, as they are, and through this they are able to respect and care for others.
Self-love originates in childhood, coming from loving, nurturing parents who displayed the benefits of being caring and kind and accepted the child’s flaws at face value. So learning self-love, or emotional self-protection, begins the day we born and originates from caring parents.
Setting boundaries
In order to maintain self-love, a person must establish internal boundaries for themselves. Internal boundaries act as a buffer to protect oneself emotionally from upsetting situations. One’s ability to establish personal boundaries is dependent on the extent of their self-love.
Boundaries based on self-love need to be established at healthy levels to function correctly. A person needs to define their relationships by how much they care for others, whether it be family, friends, co-workers or other loved ones. And those boundaries need to be set by how much self-love a person has and how much of themselves they can give. Others will impose their own boundaries, too, and by respecting each other’s internal boundaries, it can lead any relationship down the right path.
Internal boundaries are flexible and usually have room to give if a friend or loved one needs a little more of you, temporarily, but, be cautious: your internal boundaries can reach a breaking point if someone is demanding all of your emotional time for themselves, and asking you to make too many compromises. In other words, they are crossing boundaries.
These are often people who feel especially emotionally vulnerable or who desperately need approval from others because their own emotional boundaries were not properly set in place and are not getting noticed. They are constantly questioning themselves, which negatively affects their self-esteem. You can be there for that person, but need to take note of your own internal boundaries; don’t sacrifice your own self-love. Steer that person somewhere that they can get the help they need and go back to maintaining your balanced, internal emotions.
How to Set Boundaries
Communication is Key: Lack of communication can blow simple situations wide open. Express yourself directly, using clear and simple concepts that cannot be misconstrued. Communication can re-inforce your self-love simply because you were strong enough to speak your piece. And expect the same from friends and loved ones. You don’t know what they’re thinking if they don’t tell you.
Forgive Yourself
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes in life. Learn to forgive yourself for yours. Then consider taking a cue from yourself that maybe there is an internal boundary needs to be adjusted. Or, you might notice get some genuine inner happiness when someone else forgives you for making a mistake.
Smile Inside
When others turn all of their responsibilities in a situation onto you, they are attacking your internal boundaries. To make sure you are maintaining healthy boundaries, surrender to what is going on and give that person back all of their responsibilities for making things right. Don’t let others take advantage of you. Work on making yourself happy through self-love.
Setting healthy boundaries for self-love first requires establishing a healthy love for yourself, which, if you are lucky, began in childhood. Once you are able to be happy with yourself — faults and all — you can begin making the best choices to keep others from invading your space, and communicating that to them so that you can maintain your own sense of self-love.
