I was both fortunate and honored to be interviewed by Studio 4’s Fanny Kiefer yesterday, Monday 6th February. I had never done a tv interview before and was appropriately nervous. She and her team are so expert and professional I was very quickly set at ease and hardly noticed the passing of time as we spoke. It was a pleasure and I valued the opportunity to discuss this ever so relevant topic of self-esteem outside of the consulting room and to bring the message to a wider audience. Here is part 2:
One of the things Fanny was interested in was how to tell the difference between people with high and low self-esteem. I hope when I tried to answer the question, I didn’t skirt it.
As you will read in an abridged form in my earlier posts of Cinderella, and more fully once the book finds a publisher and its place on the shelves, all humans acquire low self-esteem naturally, and so have low self-esteem as a baseline. Because of this, all of us are motivated to be worth caring for, and so learn to please others to ensure they care for us. Our efforts to make others value us motivate us to learn things that will make others value us. Some people get really good at this, at getting others to value them, others not so much and everything in between. And as long as we are able to induce others to value us, we feel valuable. When others don’t, or when we perceive them to stop valuing us, that’s when we feel ourselves to be worthless. Hopefully we live without this ever happening, but more and more of us, sooner or later, find ourselves in situations where we no longer feel valued. And that’s when we have low self-esteem.
So the thing is less about high or low self-esteem, more about successful or failing low self-esteem, more about how to make ourselves less reliant on others for successful self-esteem, and more reliant on our own selves instead, and how we accomplish this by thinking differently rather than by having more or new people to value us. I hope this isn’t too complicated, and I promise that it is spelled out in more detail and with greater clarity in the manuscript, hopefully soon to be a book. But this is the thing worth noting: we can all have high self-esteem; we just need to learn how.